Gift For Goopers

Alas, too late for the Christmas (Hanukkah, Ramadan) season, we learn of a most excellent gift idea:

The National Counterterrorism Center's calendar/weekly planner is much improved for 2006, with snappier color photos and updated information on individual terrorists and groups. Measurements are given in English and metric, and dates, listed on the right-hand pages, are given in the standard and Islamic calendars.

So we find that today is Feb. 6 and also the 7th of Muharram, and it's the second anniversary of an unknown group's setting off an explosive in the Moscow metro, killing 40 people.

The smart design will brighten any home or office:

The left-hand page has the usual terrorism facts, including lists, descriptions and safety tips for chemical and biological weapons, regional maps, key information on terrorist groups worldwide and terrorists of the month.

The first terrorist, Osama bin Laden , weighs about 160 pounds, which comes to about 72 kilograms, we now know. More important, he's moved from Afghanistan to Pakistan, the calendar says -- a bit of information not usually put out officially so as not to embarrass Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf.

Nice.

And the reward for bin Laden has gone up from $25 million to $27 million -- the most for anyone -- thanks to $2 million from the Air Line Pilots Association and the Air Transport Association.

The 2006 calendar also corrects the curious omission last year of a wanted page for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq. The 2005 calendar had a description of his activities, but no pictures or description, although his height and weight are still unknown. This year's edition, with three mug shots of him -- two in color -- says he committed 650 "anti-Coalition attacks," up from "more than 30 attacks" last year. His capture would net you a cool $25 million.

The last $25 million man is, of course, al Qaeda's No. 2, Ayman Zawahiri, who's still thought to be in Afghanistan, thus not on the road with bin Laden.

The calendar's most-wanted group still includes most everyone listed last year, even though each still carries a $5 million bounty. Faker Ben Abdelazziz Boussora , for example, a Canadian thought to be involved in possible activities in this country, still has those "prominently protruding ears and is believed to have a serious pituitary gland illness."

And the Designated Terrorist Organizations have increased by two to 39, with the inclusion of the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group -- which tried to kill our new democratic ally and friend Moammar Gaddafi in 1998 -- and the Moroccan Islamic Combatant Group.

Groups and businesses that support terrorists are listed -- including the Al-Nur Honey Center, the Al-Shifa Honey Press for Industry and Commerce and the Al-Hamati Sweets Bakeries.

There's also lots of helpful safety information, including pictures of pinto beans and castor beans so you'll know to eat only the former. The latter are used to make deadly ricin.

The calendar has safety tips. If there's a bomb threat in a big truck and you're outside, try to get about a mile or so away. If you see "unusual numbers of sick or dying people or animals," those are "indicators of a possible radiological incident" or a "biological incident."

There are some puzzling historical dates to remember. Friday recalls the day in 2000 when "Syria and Sudan sign agreement on fighting terrorism in compliance with Arab Antiterrorist Conventions."

If the DeeEffs with tasking authority to produce such amusing tripe would turn their attention to actual "counterterrorism" related activities, then we would really be in trouble.

This is a item strictly for the Tom Clancy strokers.

I'm sure most readers of this blog would prefer something from Pirelli or the ubiquitous Ansel Adams calendar. Or Posters From The Fillmore calendar, etc.